A: Chances are good that you know someone who is having a hard time with alcohol and/or drug use and could benefit from your support. Maybe they’re a close family member or friend, or maybe it’s someone you don’t know as well.
According to the 2022 United States National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH): 46.8 million (16.7%) Americans (aged 12 and older) battled a substance use disorder in the past year. 10.5% of Americans 12 and older had an alcohol use disorder in the past year. Data from the previous year showed that only about one tenth of individuals with an SUD received the treatment they needed.
Chemical dependency can be a tremendously destructive illness that can keep someone from living the life they want. Fortunately, with consistent, evidence based treatment and compassionate support, it’s possible – and common – for people to recover from addiction and get back on track with their health, relationships and goals.
So how can you help someone who’s recovering from substance abuse disorder? Here are seven tips to keep in mind as you support someone in their recovery journey.
1. Take care of yourself, too
Having problems with substance use is a chronic illness. It not only affects the person who is suffering, but everyone close to them. Family and friends often place the needs of their loved one above their own. That can result in a lack of self-care, increased illness and sometimes struggles with depression and anxiety.
Taking care of your own physical, emotional and mental needs first will make you better equipped to help your loved one through the difficult journey of recovery. As the old phrase goes, You can’t pour from an empty cup. There are also many support groups for families that can provide care and community as you navigate this challenging role. Hill Recovery hosts weekly Al-Anon meetings to assist those close to someone struggling with addiction learn how to cope and best navigate this difficult situation.
2. Remember that addiction is a disease
Drugs and alcohol can rewire the brain, disrupting function and leading to dependency. It results in a distorted value system and can cause a person to act in ways that are outside of their nature.
It’s natural to get frustrated with your loved one when you see them doing something that’s harmful to their health. For your own well-being, you may occasionally need to limit your contact if that person is actively using substances or alcohol.
It is important to set boundaries, but out of a place of love and compassion. Be careful of coming from a place of shame and punishment, as this can lead to increased feelings of hopelessness and make them less comfortable reaching out for support. After they enter recovery, when it feels appropriate, you can slowly open up more communication with them. Try to understand how substance misuse became a routine part of their life and ask how you can best support them.
3. Recognize that there’s a lot to learn about substance use disorder
Experiencing feelings of fear, worry and anger are understandable and normal for someone on the sidelines trying to support a loved one. As with any other chronic illness, the more informed you are the better you will be able to support them. You can help them, and yourself, by seeking more education. Hill Recovery offers a family night component weekly to helping families learn how to best understand and support the patient through their recovery process.
Being in a close relationship with someone who is actively using alcohol or other substances can be very challenging. But saying things like, “If you loved me, you’d quit,” is damaging behavior that almost never works. Instead, convey your concerns with your loved one. Say, “I love you. How can I help you in your recovery?” Remind them often that you are willing to be their recovery support. Remind them that they’re valued, they can do this, and they’re not alone. This typically needs to be coupled with your own self care boundaries if the individual is unwilling to seek help. Seeking professional help on how to approach your loved one about their substance use so they can get the proper treatment if they are resistant can also be very helpful. Most programs will be willing to help aid in this process and will meet with the patient with you to help motivate them towards treatment.
4. Know that you can give recovery support without enabling addiction
Substance use disorder can put a strain on or deplete someone’s finances. It can bring up legal troubles, put people in physical danger and lead to all sorts of other problematic situations.
Family and friends tend to try to protect their loved one from those consequences, but that often has the unintended effect of enabling the substance abuse to continue to progress. People in early recovery typically need emotional and material support. This support is helpful and healthy, but it’s important to let them know you will only be supporting their recovery efforts – nothing else. Focus on supporting your loved one’s healthy, future goals, such as treatment, continuing education, sober housing, etc.
5. Understand that they must learn from their mistakes
Supporters for people struggling with addiction often wish they could do more to help, and it can be tempting to try. We don’t want those we love to suffer, however consequences of their actions are often what is needed to elicit the pain that change often requires. It is important to recognize one’s own codependent behaviors and allow the addict to experience the negative scenarios that generally accompany substance abuse. This may look like losing a job, car, license, etc; however, often it is these negative experiences and/or the boundaries from loved ones that move the person toward a desire for change.
6. Be prepared for recovery support to be a lifelong process
Remember that change is often gradual and may have highs and lows. A multi year study of people with substance use disorder revealed that only about a third of recovering individuals who had been sober for less than a year remained abstinent.
That means two out of three people who are recovering from an addiction will likely relapse within their first year of recovery. However, as time goes on in sobriety, the chances for relapse drops. Relapses are not an indication of failure. Instead, they are a sign that the method of treatment or support needs to be changed.
Your loved one might relapse several times before finding an effective treatment method that keeps them on track. Stability in life is difficult to achieve for anyone. Continue to be supportive of your loved one’s efforts in the right direction and remember that millions of people who were once experiencing alcohol or other substance dependence are now living happy and fulfilling lives. Recovery is possible and Hill Recovery is always here to help!!
Questions about substance use, please email erin@hillrecovery.com or call 951-719-3685.