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Sometimes When Things are Falling Apart, they May Actually be Falling into Place

The above was a quote someone had bestowed upon me in my own time of need and an affiliation with a dissolution of marriage, in which I’ve discovered can bring about a vast array of emotions. I’ve discovered that ending a marriage can be so much more complex than just a legal trajectory. In its wake, it can plunder through our livelihoods with its physical as well as mental and emotional deposits, leaving participants vulnerable and privy to an even more downward slope of life. Some have attributed such an aftermath to a devastating blow to the heart, while others have even gone as far as referencing a painful, perpetual death.

However, life is a system of variables and variances, so not everyone experiences the realm of divorce in the same way. For some, the emotional rollercoaster of a divorce can affect self-esteem, health, future relationships, or even cause several other unfavorable emotions to arise. No one ever enters a matrimonious utopia with the anticipation of a looming dissolution; but life-experiences sometimes emerge and pull couples in different directions and away from that sought-after utopia. Circumstances happen, and these are the times when we’ll witness our emotional muscles going into overdrive, hopefully in a prolific and conducive manner.

Before beginning a new journey, there are several stages of emotions to conquer or overcome. The dreaded phases of grief, even though a pathway of darkness, will become evident. Fear not, since this is often the natural order of things.

Men, and women, frequently struggle with the psychological side-effects of divorce on similar levels, even though statistics show women are more likely to be affected mentally, emotionally, physically, and economically. Still, situations can be arbitrary. Not all aspects of divorce end with misogynistic affronts and attritions. Some end amicably and even with great subsidies for women, as well as a more emotionally sound and strengthened outlook, forged by such a challenging and stressful experience. The psychological effects of divorce on women, though multifaceted, could be nourished, controlled, and even be reinvented into a favorable outcome.

During the aftermath and metamorphosis brought on by a divorce, the experience could generate certain emotional reactions; these reactions, however typical, could very well become key-essentials in mastering and overcoming the following psychological effects of divorce.

Anxiety brought on by divorce seldom fades easily; and unless one seeks help for such emotional strains, each day could become no more than a perpetual state of nervousness that will gradually consume the partaker as she experiences the remnants of divorce and its lasting effects into an unimagined and uncertain future.

Depression is one of those unfavorable experiences that robs a soul of its vitality. No one likes to be down for any period. During the period of divorce, some might even refer to such an experience as common, and although both parties usually seem to draw conclusions of general devastation, women, according to statistics, are more likely than men to grieve as much as three years after a divorce.

Fear often rises out of an ordeal as formidable as a divorce. Everything becomes new and alarming, especially when moving toward a future that suddenly becomes unknown and unanticipated. If one isn’t careful, even small issues can be distressing. However, choosing to minimize the time spent worrying and crediting oneself with the solace of previous individual accomplishments may help to forge a more prolific pathway into the future. So, each time that knot in the stomach, or the rapid breathing, begins to summon panic, remember that fear is merely a natural response to the unknown, but it’s a response that could be overcome.

Anger, occasionally, is a byproduct of fear. Often, in the event of a prolonged, unpleasant, or emotionally charged divorce, anger is a common factor and is sometimes considered as a natural reaction. The fear of getting hurt again or having offspring undergo another emotional trauma could trigger a series of emotional events, which may lead to spirited anger. But, instead of allowing anger to consume the worth and discipline of the inner-self, one can acknowledge the depth, and, with clear and replenished thoughts, cast off the fears and rise above the realm of angered thoughts and actions.

Guilt usually accompanies shame for the initiator of the divorce, but either party can share in its misery. Whether you initiated proceedings or had them forced upon you, guilt is devastatingly real, and like anger or any other emotions, it erodes your being. You may question yourself, asking if you had dwindled in your toil to save your marriage, or simply rushed its departure by something you did or didn’t do. These negative thoughts will cripple your ability to respond to new situations, but a clear vision into future chapters of betterment and of your own choosing can propel you to unbelievable heights.

Grief is the initial stage to mourn the loss of a once healthy relationship. Give yourself permission to go through the grieving ordeal, and in the end the experience might cause you to emerge victoriously.

In response to these deep emotions, the brain often defaults to a flight, freeze, or fight response. Women going through a divorce, or recently divorced, commonly find themselves with fewer and fewer options in handling everyday issues. Who will pick up the kids? How will we afford a major repair or medical expense? What if my only car breaks down? Currently, with the rewarding stage of acceptance, women are molding new identities and becoming more confident and secure in their personal and financial matters, recollecting, and applying their thoughts as main decision-makers and prioritizing their affairs, as well as finding a sound equilibrium to leave the chaotic psychological residuals of divorce where it belongs: in the past.

After acceptance, self-Care is crucial, especially during the identity rebuilding stages. Make time for a continuous nurturing of self, also for continuous healing by scheduling time for calming and relaxing activities, such as spending time with family, friends, or even support groups with people of similar experiences. Go for a hike, listen to music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read your favorite book, or whatever your designs and volitions are for getting back to a healthy and balanced life.

If you, or someone you know, are having a difficult time re-building your life after or even during the process of a divorce, contact The Walters Group for assistance. Let us show you that “Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”

Dr. Candace Walters is CEO for the Walters Group. Dr. Candace often affirms “Not every woman requires therapy, most of us just need an accountability partner”. Contact number is (951) 541-4986.

Written by Dr. Candace Walters

Candace E Walters is a Therapist and Integrated Transformational Specialist. Dr. Candace specialty is Anxiety Disorders and Personality Disorders regrading women. Dr. Candace approach is personal, direct, and compassionate with a knee to knee system NO couch’s.

Dr. Candace is CEO for The Walters Group. Dr. Candace often affirms “Not every woman requires therapy, most of us just need an accountability partner”. Contact number is 951-541-4986.

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