Losing a loved one is never easy. As an adult, it’s difficult to deal with death. For children and teens, experiencing the death of a loved one can be confusing and isolating. Many times, we fail to realize that children are not mini-grownups. They do not have the life experience of adults, see loss differently and are affected by the way adults deal with grief.
#1 – Let us share our stories and talk about the person who died.
oTelling their story is often beneficial to a child’s healing process.
oSharing memories about their person is very important.
oGrieving children don’t want to forget and worry that you will forget their person.
#2 – Our grief is long lasting.
oChildren will grieve their person for the rest of their life.
oGrieving kids don’t “just get over it”.
oThey will often be bewildered when other people seem to have moved on.
oGrief changes as they grow and change over time.
#3 – We often cope with grief and loss through play.
oChildren grieve through play.
oTypically, they cannot sustain prolonged grief.
oPlay allows children to cope with and take a break from grief.
#4 – We will always miss the person who died.
oPeople die, but love doesn’t.
oGrieving children will miss their person for as long as they live.
#5 – Every child grieves differently.
oEvery child has their own grief journey and way of grieving.
oSome children may be expressive.
oOthers might keep it all in.
oSiblings grieve differently.
oBeing from the same family, doesn’t mean siblings’ grief will be the same.
oIt is important to honor each child’s story, even if different from a sibling.
Children and teens in the Temecula Valley are fortunate to have Mourning Star when they experience a tragedy that leaves them grief-stricken and confused. Mourning Star Centers are part of the outreach effort of VNA California. Mourning Star provides support to the children throughout Riverside and San Bernardino Counties at no charge.
The Mourning Star program located in Murrieta supports the children and teens of the Temecula Valley and can be reached by calling (951) 894-5336 or MourningStar.org.
Pamela Gabbay, M.A., FT is the Director of VNA Community Outreach and Mourning Star